Welcome to Winter, a sensational season of seasonal sustenance. Some sordid supporters of Summer sometimes sob the shortfall of sweets suited solely for the sunny season, but Summer certainly needs no spice of pumpkin or bits of swine to lift the sad spirits of societal masses.
Luckily for us, winter has brought back the McRib. Now we’ve all read A Conspiracy of Hogs, or at the very least heard tell from a very believable friend of ours that the McRib tends to make its grand entrance each year on the downswing of pork prices. I don’t want to spend too much time on this subject as Mr. Staley is a much better writer than myself and if you’d like more information on that topic then I would be obliged for you to click the above link. However, if you are like myself, as I assume all internet strangers are, and are content with the passing knowledge of McDonalds yearly up-selling of the swine market, then follow me towards what I would loosely describe to be the punchline.
Welcome to the second part of the set-up. Now I don’t want to shock you with what I’m about to say, so I won’t say anything shocking. The McRib is not composed pork ribs. I know some of you, like myself, were confused at how you were supposed to eat around the bones of the sandwich before trying one; only to find biting through one to be as easy as teeth slicing through a piece of restructured meat. Err.. like a knife through butter. Now it’s rumored that the McRib actually has over 70 ingredients, but I am a man that really enjoys a good hot-dog and, as such, am not one to dwell on the substance of my probably-mostly-pork products.
This actually seems like a good moment to clarify my position on the McRib. I had a McRib once and what I remember most about the experience was not liking the pickles. That’s about all the thought I have put into the sandwich. That being said every time I learn something about it I can’t help but laugh. The McRib is a funny bit player in my life, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. And the most recent bit of information I’ve learned about this clown of a sandwich re-contextualizes and adds hilarity to every preceding experience…
The McRib is a failure.
The McRib had its debutante in 1981 when a spike in chicken prices led McDonalds to seek out a new product to sate its hungry customers. The sandwich had a middling four-year run, only to vanish with its tail behind its leg in 1985. Then, nine years later, two words took it from a failed idea to a bombastic event. “IT’S BACK”. Since it’s original “return”, the McRib has enjoyed a sense of coy mystique that allows it to crash into the national conversation at a moments notice. And that is the funniest thing I could think of to wrap up up my thoughts on the McRib. Once every year or so McDonalds sells a failed product for a huge profit.
I think it’s hilarious, I love it.