Blog Pilot – A Scavenger Hunt

Welcome! The Earth has a lot to say and so do it. So let’s jump right in, shall we?

I was recently tasked with a scavenger hunt that led me on a novel winding journey through an environment that many take for granted, namely, the grocery store. It was on odd experience to be led through a grocer by a purposeful air of curiosity. My “hunt” was intended to draw attention to the vast tendrils of the agriculture industry and how a long chain of labor, meticulously planned organization, and a heaping amount of profit-seeking capitalism culminates with neatly packaged goods all vying for poll position in my cart. So, please, have a seat, grab a drink, and allow me to contextualize these pictures of food for you.


Guilty Pleasure

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“But Tucker!” you shout incredulously. “There’s no crab in those Crab Delights, it’s just whitefish from Alaska pressed to look like crab meat and some artificial tasters to trick you into thinking it’s crab!”. But I can’t hear you; I am caught up in a cacophony of oblivious joy over how tasty my fancy crab-schmear bagel is.

 

Disastrous Food Packaging

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Is there something I’m missing here? Is it a pun? It’s certainly not a nick-name with “Tas-tee” longer to write than tasty. It’s certainly an appealing enough shade of yellow goo to pour over a salad on its own, but “tæs-tee”, as I insist it must be pronounced, doesn’t really roll off of my tongue. And it certainly won’t be rolling onto it.

 

Eating on a Budget

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This certainly isn’t my cart that I’ve taken a picture of. There’s no way I would spend $6 on 24 ready to be made meals. No matter how easy they were to doctor up into a delicious bowl of stew.

 

Simple versus Complex

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As everyone is tired of hearing by now, a tomato is not considered a vegetable by most standards. So presumably the eight vegetables that make up the 1% of V8 that isn’t made of tomatoes must be pretty important. For my money though, I’d rather go with a more honest approach to the tomato juice that I never drink.

 

Ironic Food 

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I’m using “ironic” in the Alanis Morissette sense of the word here. Otherwise I would have been more or less constricted to I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter. I’ll start drinking this zero calorie sports drink when I find a sport that requires zero calories to participate in.

 

Most Well-Traveled Food

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I couldn’t resist.

 

Paleo Perfect

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I used to not know anything about paleo, luckily its participants can’t stop talking about it! So I can say with certainty that almonds are on the top of their list of super foods. Admittedly, looking at this photo now I think the artificial sweeteners might disqualify this quality almond bark from the fabled diet. Luckily for me the inevitable succeeding conversation for paleo-centrics is about how much they accidentally cheat from their strange diet.

 

Most Removed from the Farmer

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I once spilled a fruit salad near an ant hill. Once I decided my sweet treat had been surrendered to the ground I began to coach the ants on which fruits to take first. “Take the pineapples first you fools! Before a bird swoops in and steals them from you. That pineapple has traveled barge, rail, and truck from the other side of the world to topple into your domain. You may never have a chance like this again!” Despite my efforts, the ants collected all the fruits with equal urgency unmolested by interloping birds. When they were done one ant emerged from the hill, thanked me for my gift, and told me not to contrive such crazy stories. “Fruit from the other side of the world? Preposterous. Everyone knows fruit comes from the sky.”

  

 Going Organic, Going Broke

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I don’t usually pay double for half the return. But just look at that little girl! She doesn’t care that a dozen eggs are less than $1.50 why should I?

 

Sexy Food Packaging

IMG_0004I’m going to keep this one short (as one should when judging the sex appeal of inanimate objects), but what can I say? I’m a fan of spandex.


The modern grocers really is an amazing place. The amount of thought and effort that went into getting all the food-stuffs there for your purchase is a sweeping maze of human achievement. The next time you see something at a grocery store that you haven’t seen before take a moment to think about where it came from, how it was made, and how many people were involved with it’s production.

-Tucker


 

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